Nearly Almost Somebody
by Caroline Batten
Publication date: March 26th 2015
Genres: Contemporary, New Adult, Romance
She’s nearly perfect – He’s almost the one
When Patrick’s caught in flagrante with a local beauty queen, his father delivers an ultimatum: one more newspaper scandal and Patrick will be out on his ear. Desperate not to lose his job at the family veterinary practice,
Patrick needs to avoid trouble – and girls like Libby.
The Broken Ballerina’s a headline waiting to happen, but mourning her short-lived career as a dancer, Libby casts a Wiccan spell to summon a new love: Good-looking, honest, non-brown eyes, English, good with animals… in a nutshell, she summons Patrick.
But fighting Libby’s love spell will be the least of Patrick’s problems when an old lady dies from a ketamine overdose – ketamine stole from his surgery.
Witchcraft, Scandal, Murder...
Will anyone find their perfect Somebody?
When Patrick’s caught in flagrante with a local beauty queen, his father delivers an ultimatum: one more newspaper scandal and Patrick will be out on his ear. Desperate not to lose his job at the family veterinary practice,
Patrick needs to avoid trouble – and girls like Libby.
The Broken Ballerina’s a headline waiting to happen, but mourning her short-lived career as a dancer, Libby casts a Wiccan spell to summon a new love: Good-looking, honest, non-brown eyes, English, good with animals… in a nutshell, she summons Patrick.
But fighting Libby’s love spell will be the least of Patrick’s problems when an old lady dies from a ketamine overdose – ketamine stole from his surgery.
Witchcraft, Scandal, Murder...
Will anyone find their perfect Somebody?
Nearly Almost Somebody: Track List
© Caroline Batten 2015
1.
Take Me to Church – Hozier
2.
Chandelier – Sia
3.
Whispers In the Dark – Mumford
& Sons
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNaM-N1NdGo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNaM-N1NdGo
4.
Dog Days Are Over – Florence
& the Machine
5.
Lover’s Eyes - Mumford &
Sons
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWNq89joPrI
6.
You And I – Lady Gaga
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9YMU0WeBwU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9YMU0WeBwU
7.
Say Something – A Great Big
World / Christina Aguilera
8.
Read All About It – Emeli Sandé
9.
I Will Wait – Mumford &
Sons
10.
Budapest – George Ezra
14 Things I’ve discovered on the road to becoming a
self-published author
© Caroline Batten 2015
I’ve
been writing since I first read a Sweet Valley High book and thought I could do
better myself. Of course I couldn’t at the time, I was nine but over the years
the years, I’ve also learned a few things.
Please
note, these are my experiences
and may not be typical – in fact, they may be as far from typical as appears
feasible whilst still sitting somewhere within the realm of possible...
1. If you look at
self-publishing as a hobby, it’s cheaper than horse-riding, diamond mining or
going to the movies once a month.
2. A brilliant book does not
mean you’ll bag an agent/six-figure publishing deal. A brilliant book, kick-ass
cover, slick editing, and selling a hundred thousand Kindle editions might.
3. Submitting to agents is a
form of self-flagellation. Horsehair shirts cost less and are emotionally less
devastating. (Plus you can write about the experience later, publish that book on
Kindle, give it BDSM tags and sell more copies than you would the dystopian YA
thriller you were originally touting to agents.)
4. Having a blog is great -
random strangers DO read your witterings. Some of them even buy your book.
5. Signing up for
authonomy.com does not guarantee you’ll be noticed by an agent the next day.
It’s a website where you can learn key marketing skills such as, I’ll read your book if you read mine.
Promise this one million times and you might hit the Editors Desk - this never leads to publication. Ever.
6. Signing up for animoto.com
does mean you can make your very own book trailer.
7. Getting your first book professionally
edited is a really good idea even if you’re not looking to self-publish.
An editor will focus your style on the market/genre you’re really writing for,
point out where your writing skills need work and you could end up with a
manuscript an agent does want to
read.
8. Grammar and punctuation
are not dark arts – they’re a skill every author can and ought to learn;
9. Signing up for youwriteon.com
does not guarantee you’ll be noticed by an agent the next day. It’s a website
where you’ll receive reviews such as , ‘I hate chick lit and this shoe-based
romance...’ and ‘I normally prefer steampunk erotica so this western romance...’
10. Some people do make it big
- with very little effort it can seem.
11. Some people plug away for
years and make pocket money.
12. That book you finished -
it isn’t finished. Typing ‘The End’ simply means the editing can start.
13. Right now, on Amazon you
can buy a book called Mail Order Tiger
Bride Wars – it does what it says on the tin. That BBW shape-shifter piece
of romance is currently ranked higher than #FORFEIT.
Yet that doesn’t sting nearly as much an agent rejection letter because....
14. Three million reads on
wattpad.com say people really like my books.
And that’ll do, pig.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
She daydreams of one day owning a pair of Louboutin's and having somewhere fabulous to wear them. Until then, she'll be found plodding up a mountain in her trusty hiking boots.
#forfeit is Caroline's debut novel. Her follow up, Nearly Almost Somebody is also available from Amazon.
Author Links:
https://twitter.com/daisy_fitz
a Rafflecopter giveaway
Caroline Batten - The Interview
Caroline is the author of #Forfeit and Nearly Almost Somebody, contemporary romances she likes to call
“Chick Lit with Edge” – forget shoe-shopping and cupcakes, expect binge
drinking, eating disorders and Class A drug-taking.
#Forfeit
is the sordid tale of five friends who play a game of increasingly dangerous
dares. Nearly Almost Somebody is filled with Wiccan love spells, murder and
local scandal. Where do you get your inspiration from?
Anywhere I can. Music, films, the
Antiques Roadshow.
Really?
Totes. It’s where I saw the antique
forfeit ball that Daisy rolls in the book.
Tell
us your usual writing routine.
I work full-time, we have a 6 year-old daughter
and we’re renovating an old farmhouse - writing routine, you say? Lol. There
isn’t one. When I’m in the zone, I’ll write whenever and wherever I can, but
when I’m not... life does get in the way.
Life?
How much time do you spend procrastinating on Facebook?
Yeah. That.
Do
you have a favourite snack when you are in your writing zone?
Does Prosecco with a sliced strawberry
in count as a snack?
What
was the first book you remember reading and enjoying?
Without a doubt, Jill’s Gymkhana by Ruby Ferguson.
Did
you have a favourite literary hero/heroine as a child?
That would be the Jill with the
gymkhana. The girl was a superstar. Practical, witty, sharp, utterly dismissive
of all things soppy - including her own mother’s nauseating Enid Blyton style
books. She dreamed of becoming the first female MFH and so introduced me at the
tender age of nine to equality and sex discrimination. And she beats the rich
girl in the gymkhana. Hurrah.
What's
the wine in that glass?
Er... Prosecco. Obvs.
Have
you ever given up on a manuscript because it just wasn't working?
No. A few times people told me to put
Forfeit in a drawer and move on, but I couldn’t. I loved Daisy and Xander too
much to give up on them and the story.
Do
your sex scenes make you horny?
*Blushes* A wise friend once told me to
write books that I wanted to read because chances are someone else would want
to read them too. Another wise friend, Kitty French told me to write sex scenes
as though no one would ever read them. Put the two together...
Zoe’s
a bit of a loose-moralled minx–
She’s great, right? I loved writing her
scenes.
Will
we see more of her in your next book?
You’re not the first person to ask that.
And?
No. Sorry.
What
can your readers look forward to?
Afterglow
should be out later this year. It’s about
backpackers getting up to no good in Bondi
Beach.
You
said, ‘should be.’ Does that mean you’re not in the zone yet?
*Is watching cat videos on Facebook*
Sorry, what?
You
went to a Book Signing earlier this year. Are you planning any more?
Yes. Dublin and Birmingham this July,
then Aberdeen in August. Oh, and Dublin again in 2016.
Is
there any of that Prosecco left?
Yes. But I’m not sharing. :p
Any
advice for aspiring authors?
Drink less.
Blitz-wide giveaway (US/CAN)
- A signed paperback of Nearly Almost Somebody + swag
a Rafflecopter giveaway
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