My Ex From Hell by Tellulah Darling
(The Blooming Goddess Trilogy #1)
Publication date: April 1st 2013
Genres: Fantasy, Mythology,
Publication date: April 1st 2013
Genres: Fantasy, Mythology,
Sixteen-year-old Sophie Bloom wishes she’d been taught the following:
a) Bad boy’s presence (TrOuBlE) + teen girl’s brain (DraMa) = TrAuMa (Highly unstable and very volatile.)
b) The Genus Greekulum Godissimus is notable for three traits: 1) awesome abilities, 2) grudges, and 3) hook-ups, break-ups, and in-fighting that puts cable to shame.
Prior to the Halloween dance, Sophie figures her worst problems involve adolescent theatrics, bitchy teen yoga girls, and being on probation at her boarding school for mouthy behaviour. Then she meets bad boy Kai and gets the kiss that rocks her world.
Literally.
This breath stealing lip lock reawakens Sophie’s true identity: Persephone, Goddess of Spring. She’s key to saving humanity in the war between the Underworld and Olympus, target numero uno of Hades and Zeus, and totally screwed.
Plus there’s also the little issue that Sophie’s last memory as Persephone was just before someone tried to murder her.
Big picture: master her powers, get her memories back, defeat Persephone’s would be assassin, and save the world. Also, sneak into the Underworld to retrieve stolen property, battle the minions of Hades and Zeus, outwit psycho nymphs, slay a dragon, rescue a classmate, keep from getting her butt expelled from the one place designed to keep her safe …
… and stop kissing Kai, Prince of the Underworld.
My Ex From Hell is a YA romantic comedy, Greek mythology smackdown. Love meets comedy with a whole lot of sass in book one of this teen fantasy romance series. Compared to Kai and Sophie, Romeo and Juliet had it easy.
Tellulah Darling
noun
Sassy girls. Swoony boys. What could go wrong?
1. YA romantic comedy author because her first kiss sucked and she's compensating.
2. Alter ego of former screenwriter.
3. Sassy minx.
Writes about: where love meets comedy. Awkwardness ensues.
Tellulah Darling is a firm believer that some of the best stories happen when love meets comedy. Which is why she has so much fun writing YA romantic comedy books. Her books span contemporary, teen fantasy romance, and YA Greek mythology, and range from stand alones to series. For Tellulah, teen romance is the most passionate, intense, and awkward there is – a comedy goldmine. Plus smart, mouthy, teen girls rock.
a) Bad boy’s presence (TrOuBlE) + teen girl’s brain (DraMa) = TrAuMa (Highly unstable and very volatile.)
b) The Genus Greekulum Godissimus is notable for three traits: 1) awesome abilities, 2) grudges, and 3) hook-ups, break-ups, and in-fighting that puts cable to shame.
Prior to the Halloween dance, Sophie figures her worst problems involve adolescent theatrics, bitchy teen yoga girls, and being on probation at her boarding school for mouthy behaviour. Then she meets bad boy Kai and gets the kiss that rocks her world.
Literally.
This breath stealing lip lock reawakens Sophie’s true identity: Persephone, Goddess of Spring. She’s key to saving humanity in the war between the Underworld and Olympus, target numero uno of Hades and Zeus, and totally screwed.
Plus there’s also the little issue that Sophie’s last memory as Persephone was just before someone tried to murder her.
Big picture: master her powers, get her memories back, defeat Persephone’s would be assassin, and save the world. Also, sneak into the Underworld to retrieve stolen property, battle the minions of Hades and Zeus, outwit psycho nymphs, slay a dragon, rescue a classmate, keep from getting her butt expelled from the one place designed to keep her safe …
… and stop kissing Kai, Prince of the Underworld.
My Ex From Hell is a YA romantic comedy, Greek mythology smackdown. Love meets comedy with a whole lot of sass in book one of this teen fantasy romance series. Compared to Kai and Sophie, Romeo and Juliet had it easy.
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EXCERPT
When the going gets desperate, the desperate send
email
To: ????
From: bloomingoddess@gmail.com Subject: Seriously?
Dear Your Royal Imperialness Demeter, Goddess of
Grain and Fertility, Preserver of Marriage, and Bringer of Seasons,
Or can I just call you Mom?
Bet you never thought you’d be hearing from me.
Sorry for not having written sooner, but until about twelve hours ago, I didn’t
know you existed. Nothing personal.
See, yesterday, I was plain old Sophie Bloom. My
life sucked in your typical 16-year-old ways. I was stuck here at Hope Park
Progressive School on probation again (“mouthy behavior”), dealing with
cliquish poseurs, rampant hormones, blah blah blah.
Then I met a guy. I know that’s the worst cliché
ever. But sadly, it’s true. And of course, me being me, he couldn’t be just any
bad boy. No. He had to be Kai, son of Hades, Lord of the Underworld. Anyway, he
was really hot and there was this bone-melting kiss and ... whatever. The point
is, before he showed up, I thought I was human. Afterward, well, let’s just say
everything changed. Who knew when I was cramming Greek mythology for my English
final, I was studying the family tree?
They say when you die, your whole life supposedly
flashes before your eyes. When Kai and I kissed, here’s what flashed before
mine—Mount Olympus, Zeus, the Underworld, Hades, and you. But that wasn’t my
life. Or was it?
Here’s the Wiki version. (Do you have Wi-Fi on Mt.
Olympus?) Turns out I’m Persephone. Me, Goddess of Spring and Embodiment of
Earth’s Fertility? Ew! Which makes me your kid, Hades’ target, and totally
screwed. In the myth version, I’m the innocent maiden, you’re the grieving
mother, and we’re reunited with great joy. Guess that’s why they call it a
myth.
I know I sound like a nut bar. And maybe I’ll wake
up in a padded room restrained for my own safety. But in that moment with Kai,
it felt real. Like I knew who I was. Or used to
be. Those were my memories flashing before my
eyes—not some fantasy or hallucination. Part of me remembered those moments.
But where do I go from here? And is there an online tutorial I can take?
I don’t exactly have your email. But if you’re a
goddess, maybe you’ll know I’m writing. That I really need my mom right now.
And if not—well, I guess I’ll save this for my obituary. Which I’ll probably
need pretty soon because of the gods-wanting-me-dead thing.
Take care.
Sophie
a.k.a. Persephone
a.k.a. Goddess of Spring a.k.a. Your Daughter
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Tellulah Darlingnoun
Sassy girls. Swoony boys. What could go wrong?
1. YA romantic comedy author because her first kiss sucked and she's compensating.
2. Alter ego of former screenwriter.
3. Sassy minx.
Writes about: where love meets comedy. Awkwardness ensues.
Tellulah Darling is a firm believer that some of the best stories happen when love meets comedy. Which is why she has so much fun writing YA romantic comedy books. Her books span contemporary, teen fantasy romance, and YA Greek mythology, and range from stand alones to series. For Tellulah, teen romance is the most passionate, intense, and awkward there is – a comedy goldmine. Plus smart, mouthy, teen girls rock.
Author links:
GUEST POST
10 Things You Didn't Know About Tellulah Darling
1) I am too lazy to learn songs properly, choosing instead to
just fit whatever word seems closest to the phonetic sound I hear. This means
that nothing I sing makes any logical sense. However, they are all wildly
creative. Every once in a while I actually figure out what the words are
supposed to be and realize how much sense the song now makes. What's funny is
that there are certain songs I'm suck in a perpetual loop with. I learn what
they are, promptly forget and go back to my nonsense, and then have that deja
vu moment when I understand them again. Maybe I was dropped on my head as a
child.
2) I love to travel but hate flying. As a result, I spent much
of my life gripping the arms of my airplane seat while whispering "please
don't fall" for hours on end. Happily, my doctor informed me a couple
years ago (while staring at me like I was an idiot upon hearing how I coped)
that since my way didn't work, I might want to try drugs. Miracles of modern
science, indeed!
3) Speaking of travel–the first time I went to Italy, I was 15
yrs old. We were in Heathrow waiting for our flight to Rome and I'd fallen
asleep stretched out across the chairs at the departure area. I woke up to the
sight of the Italian National Football (Soccer) team seated around me. Even at
that tender age, I was partial to that particular flavour of man candy. So I
shot up and might have tried to shove my little brother under a seat in an
attempt to look like a worldly solo traveller. Yeah, right. I wish you all a
similar wake up call with *insert group of hot men of your choice*.
4) I was a professional screenwriter for 12 years. Crazy things happen
in writers' rooms. On one of my favourite shows to work on, the showrunner and
I plotted out the entire season arc's battle using Smurfs. This was for a kids'
show. We'd renamed them with our characters' names and did their voices and
everything. On another, not a kids' show, there was an actual meeting to
discuss the star's wife's Playboy photos. There can be this intimidating
mystique around film and television. Don't believe any of it.
5) I forget that my husband is one of my followers on Twitter.
This leads to a lot of head shaking when I've been a bit too vigorous
discussing hot guys - fictional or otherwise and steamy reads. I try to push
the excuse that it's simply ways of interacting with social media friends and
readers. I think I’ve gotten
away with it but I’m not sure because I am no longer able to
make eye contact with him.
6) I hold a Masters' Degree in Film Theory. Yes, you read that
right. In watching movies. Okay, and criticizing them. Possibly the most
useless degree known to mankind. Not only that, I did my Master's thesis on
Gender and Spectatorship in the animation of Chuck Jones. Which means that I
watched Bugs Bunny Cartoons for two years. My family despaired. They used to
lie and say I was studying journalism. I share this with you so that if your
family gives you any grief about your area of study, you can use me as an
example of how it could be so much worse. You're welcome.
7) I think that the right shade of lipstick and a great head of
hair can be a woman's finest accessory. Who's with me here?
8) I think the world needs more choreography. I have a constant
soundtrack in my head and like to tap dance my way through the day. Which in my
head comes off like a brilliant Gene Kelly-esque routine. I take no
responsibility for how it looks in reality. Obviously, you all just need to see
things in my special way.
9) I love my Kindle because it allows me to read my steamy
romances to my heart's content without the constant judging I get from haters
who obviously are down on love. I've found that if I nod my head sagely whilst
reading, people think I'm engrossed in some deep literary classic and perhaps
feel bad for not reading such a weighty tome themselves. I feel no guilt for
this. I've had too many years of snotty reactions to all the genre reading I've
done.
10) Since I write romantic comedies, I'll share a couple of my
favs with you. Book: Bet Me by Jennifer Crusie. This is the smexiest
book around. (Ha - autocorrect wanted it to be the smelliest book around.)
Film: When Harry Met Sally and The Princess Bride. Don't make me
choose. It could get ugly.
If anyone wants to chat books, romcom or otherwise, let's
friendvite on Goodreads or email me on my site www.tellulahdarling.com.
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